Weekly Check-In: Valentine’s Day, Waiting on Love, and Not Done Yet

Weekly Check-In: Valentine’s Day, Waiting on Love, and Not Done Yet

This post is a cross between my usual weekly check-in and a Valentine’s Day reflection.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

These check-ins are important for me. They create rhythm. They force me to slow down and debrief the week instead of just surviving it.

So what’s on my mind this week?

I’d love to tell you it’s a happy day for me. It’s not.

Valentine’s Day never used to bother me much. But for some reason, this year it stings. I think it’s because it presses on the same old question:

Will I ever find love?
Or am I meant to walk this road alone?

That question doesn’t feel dramatic. It just feels tired.

Still, I have to be honest — this Valentine’s Day is better than last year’s.

Last year, I was sitting in ICE custody. ICE detention was considerably worse than prison. In prison, at least you could move around. In ICE, we were locked down most of the day in four-man cells. The only thing that kept me steady was knowing it was the final stretch before being sent back to Canada.

I’m sure I knew it was Valentine’s Day then. I just didn’t care. Survival was the focus.

So yes — today stings. But I am free. And that matters.

I’m not trying to wallow. That doesn’t help anyone.

But this is where I am: right now, I am alone.

For a long time, I honestly believed I would reconcile with my ex-wife. I carried that hope longer than I should have — probably until the summer. Letting go of that dream wasn’t easy. But it forced me to confront something bigger:

I have self-worth.

In the past, I believed a toxic relationship was better than no relationship at all. That’s a dangerous lie. I’m grateful I’ve outgrown it.

I am worth more than chaos disguised as love.

And I trust that if God intends for me to marry again, He will bring the right woman into my life at the right time — not out of desperation, but out of health.

The verse that keeps echoing in my head this week is this:

“Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”
— Psalm 27:14 (NLT)

Waiting is uncomfortable. Especially when you’ve already lost years of your life. Especially when you feel behind.

But I would rather wait in health than rush into dysfunction.

This Week’s Schedule

Routine matters for me. Structure keeps me grounded.

• Monday is usually my reset day — rest and self-care. This week I worked to cover someone who was sick.

• Tuesday is Whitestone.

• Wednesday I worked from 8:00 PM to 12:30 AM.

• Thursday is Bible study at NCM.

• Friday is Bible study at my church, plus a short shift from 5:00 PM to 8:00 PM.

• Saturday I worked from 8:00 PM to midnight.

• Sunday is church from 10:00 AM to 1:00 PM, followed by work from 8:00 PM to 12:30 AM.

There’s something powerful about writing it out. It reminds me that I’m not drifting anymore. I’m building.

What Stood Out

Yesterday I went to Bible study at church. I’m glad I did.

Afterward, I helped with some work around the church — something I try to do every other week. On alternate weeks, I have counselling. Soon, in March, I’ll be starting school, and my schedule will shift again.

Growth requires adjustment.

After we finished the work, the pastor offered to drive me home. That was a blessing — my Presto card is running low.

On the way, he asked if I would help him pick out flowers and a card for his wife.

At first, I hesitated. Valentine’s Day and I aren’t exactly on great terms this year.

But I went.

And I’m glad I did.

Watching a healthy marriage up close — even in small moments like choosing flowers — is mentorship. His marriage is stronger than mine ever was. Instead of resenting that, I’m choosing to learn from it.

Afterward, we had lunch at Tim Hortons and talked about how my life is going.

A week ago, I was in a personal crisis. It felt heavy. It felt destabilizing.

But this week has been considerably better.

I’m bouncing back.

That matters.

This journey isn’t straight upward progress. It’s stumble, steady, rebuild, repeat. And I’m still standing.

Looking Ahead

• Monday is normally my reset day, but I’ll be working to make up hours. It’s also Family Day here in Canada, and I’m hoping to see 3 of my 4 kids in the afternoon. That alone makes the day meaningful.

• Tuesday is Whitestone.

• Wednesday I work 8:00 PM to 12:30 AM.

• Thursday is Bible study at NCM.

• Friday is Bible study, counselling, and a short shift at work.

• Saturday I work from 4:30 PM to midnight.

• Sunday is church. I usually work Sundays, but this week I’ll be attending my roommate’s two-year sobriety celebration instead. Supporting others matters. I know what those milestones mean.

Closing

Thank you for walking with me on this long road back.

Last Valentine’s Day I was locked in a cell.

This Valentine’s Day I am free, rebuilding, working, serving, studying Scripture, and fighting for a better future.

That’s not loneliness.

That’s progress.

And I’m not done yet.

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