Belonging Without Pretending: Learning to Receive Joy Without Faking Healing

Belonging Without Pretending
Learning to Receive Joy Without Faking Healing

 I mentioned earlier that I attended my office Christmas party this week. I wrote about it here: http://downbutnotout2025.blogspot.com/2025/12/showing-up-when-you-dont-feel-like-you.html. At the time, I wasn’t sure I should go. I questioned myself right up until the last minute. I went anyway—and I’m glad I did.

On Tuesday, Whitestone held its annual Christmas dinner. I’ll talk more about Whitestone in a future post. I attend Whitestone meetings weekly, but this was my first time attending their annual Christmas dinner, and I didn’t know what to expect.

Almost immediately, I felt welcome. I felt seen. These were genuine brothers and sisters in Christ—people who were broken in different ways, just like me. There was no competition, no pressure to appear more put-together than anyone else. That mattered. Some of these are not people I would naturally gravitate toward outside of Whitestone, but that doesn’t make them bad people. If everyone knew my full story, many wouldn’t want to be around me either. We all carry things.

The dinner itself was a traditional Christmas meal—turkey, mashed potatoes, pasta, stuffing, rolls, and plenty of dessert. The food was prepared by Chef Ric’s, a social enterprise run by the Ottawa Mission. They provide kitchen training and employment opportunities for people impacted by poverty. That felt fitting. Second chances feeding second chances.

Three people spoke during the evening, including one Whitestone participant. His testimony moved me deeply. I won’t share names or photos out of respect for privacy. What I will say is this: he had been through more than most people ever see, and I recognized parts of myself in his story. I imagine he felt the same hopelessness I still feel at times. Hearing how he leaned on Whitestone’s support—and on the Lord—to climb out of that darkness challenged me. It reminded me that growth is possible, even when it feels out of reach.

At the end of the evening, we were given small gift bags with a few items and even a modest gift card. It wasn’t about the value of the gift. It was about being thought of. Being remembered.

I was reminded of Galatians 6:2: “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” That verse doesn’t speak to rescue or pity. It speaks to shared weight—people walking alongside one another, steadying each other when the load gets heavy.

I left the event feeling something I don’t experience often: respected, valued, and genuinely loved. That doesn’t mean everything is easy. Crowds are still hard for me. Physical contact is still uncomfortable. Hugs—especially from women—can be awkward and confusing. I constantly check my motives and reactions because I don’t want to cross boundaries or misread kindness as something more. That’s part of my work right now: learning how to be present without projecting or retreating.

The next Whitestone meeting isn’t for another few weeks, and that gap feels heavier than I expected. These weekly meetings are a stabilizing force in my life and in my walk with Christ. They help keep me grounded when my thoughts drift and the weight of the past starts pressing in.

Because of that, I don’t intend to disconnect over the holidays. I’ll likely reach out to a Whitestone leader during the break to stay anchored. The holidays carry more weight for me than I realized, and isolation is not something I can afford right now. Showing up once was a start. Staying connected—even when it’s uncomfortable—is part of how I survive and grow.

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