From Homeless to Hustling: Why Progress Still Feels Like Failure

From Homeless to Hustling: Why Progress Still Feels Like Failure

Part 1 of a series...

I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I keep hearing that I should “celebrate the small wins” and “focus on the progress,” and yeah, sure—some things are technically improving. I’ve got a roof over my head now. I’ve stayed sober. I’ve been putting one foot in front of the other. But there are days, like today, where I just feel like I’ve been completely written off by everyone. Employers, the system, my ex, parts of my own family… maybe even God, if I’m being honest.

I don’t have a criminal record in this country. You’d think that would count for something. It doesn’t.

I’m still basically unemployed. The only thing keeping me technically “working” is a few bucks I scrape together doing Uber Eats. I do it on a bicycle. Not because I’m trying to be eco-friendly or live some cute downtown lifestyle, but because I don’t own a car and can’t afford one. Uber Eats on a bike only works if you’re living in the core. I don’t live downtown anymore.

I burn my legs out pedaling food around for strangers, trying to dodge traffic, rain, and the constant voice in my head asking, Is this what your life has become? It doesn’t even come close to replacing a real income. I’m lucky if I break even some days. My muscles ache and my pride takes a hit every time I drop off an order to a warm house, knowing full well I can’t even afford what’s inside that takeout bag.

But this is what survival looks like for me right now. This is what "progress" feels like. Getting pennies for calories burned, while people tell me to keep my chin up. No stable job. No safety net. No margin for error. Just a bike, some bags, and a bruised sense of worth.

I’m trying. Harder than I ever have. But the doors aren’t opening. The phone’s not ringing. I’ve applied. I’ve interviewed. I’ve smiled. I’ve shaved. I’ve told my story. I’ve owned my past. And I still walk away empty-handed, time and time again.

It’s like I’m wearing an invisible sign that says "Don’t hire this guy. Don’t help this guy. Don’t believe in this guy."

I’m not asking for pity. I just want a fair shot. A real one.

Verse for today:

Galatians 6:9 ESV

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

**Please note, unless otherwise noted, images are AI Generated.